Being Cory Bernham from Ohio has its ups and downs sometimes, but lets face it, Cory, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Stop me if any of these things ring true, Cory Bernham from Ohio!
1. That time you lent out your copy of Pokemon Yellow to Mark
And he totally saved over your previous save game. What a dick
2. “Who invented folklore?”
OMG that was the funniest goddamn English class, Jed is so dumb sometimes
3. Your allowance is going to be cut to help pay for your brothers healthcare
Why can’t mom just take Mark back to the home?
4. Jennie Black got fingered by Justin Thorne at recess
You laugh about it with friends, but secretly you’re jealous of Justin
5. Dad died at home five years ago but mom still won’t tell you how
Sometimes you can hear her crying his name at night and then using her vibrator
6. The homeless guy outside the store on Sugarbush Drive sells you loose cigarettes
He doesn’t do it for any of the other kids, if mom found out she’d go crazy
7. You worry that mom blames you for Dad’s death somehow
How did he die? I wonder if Uncle Ron knows
8. All the kids at school laugh at your clothes
I wish dad were still alive.